Why Balerina?

The short story is because it was my dream when I was a child.
The long story starts with the time people were asking me :"what do you want to become when you grow up?".
Although the typical answer for kids my age was short and to the point...mine was not.I had a list!
More then anything in the world I wanted to become a ballerina, and if that, for any reason, might not have worked out, I wanted to be an ice skater.I would cry and cry for hours trying to get my mum to buy me the shoes, the skates...I would look for hours at photos of ballerinas or watch in complete amazement ice skaters do their magic.And then, in the same time, I wanted to be a teacher, a doctor, an artist and a business woman.
Time went by and at the end of the high school, all my colleagues had their mind made up, they knew what they wanted to do with their lives, with themselves...I had no clue. Four years prior to that date, at the beginning of high school, I had expressed to my parents that I wanted to study arts, but, they had no money to fund such a choice and also said that artistry is going to have me starve later on.So, artistry was out of the question at the end of high school graduation.
Next thing I liked was psychology, but again, this needed money to pay for private classes, if I dared dream to pass the exam for University.
Left with no friendly option, I decided that, for a year, while I was going to prepare for Psychology,I would just follow any classes of any University I could apply for, that assumed no examination. Since I have heard some people talking about it, I decided that would be Agriculture.Go figure!
Except my parents and few others,that were happy with this path I was embarking on, considering I needed some "practical knowledge to shake my dreamyness away", so, except those, everyone laughed their pants off when hearing the news "what are you going to do, grow garling in ciment?"
Even more interestingly, I absolutely loved it! Not absolutely, I had some maths classes,maths being the one and only object I loathed and couldn't get my head around during any level of my studying years.
Except minor details, I loved it: the information was captivating, we had wonderful, well studied, old fashioned teachers, that you couldn't help but respect and admire, some nice colleagues, lovely campus area, lots of trips in the country...and, most importantly, this university offered the chance to leave for the United Kingdom through a program the University had with the British Government. The timing couldn't have been better, as the situation in my family was becoming more and more desperate, the debts had reached such a level, that we were almost forced to sell and move out of our home.
Thinking it was only going to be the 6 months the program specified, I left for Scotland, along with other 4 romanians.Having heard awful stories about the cruelty some students were subjected to while working in these farms, I was fearing and imagining what I would have to endure.
Luckily, the farm we were electronically distributed to, was a small one, and the farmers, wonderful people! This is how the 6 months became 4 years that changed my life in an unexpectd way.While over there, I kept to a regime of "I am here to make money and go back", and, after almost 4 years, I got back.
The one thing I did to deviate from this plan, and it came as a surprise to me too: I spent, easily and eagerly, a fortune on photographic equipment!
It took me a while to reintegrate myself in my own life, but,I did: I continued Agriculture University where I left off, I took photography classes, got back in touch with people, met new people, met my husband, married.
Until recently I was under the same dilemma I faced all my life: "what am I going to do?".
But, one seminar I took part in, one for young university graduates helping them choose a career has had an impact on me.
One of the speakers said "when you ask yourselves 'what job best suits me?', ask yourselves rather 'what is the thing you do best, with the most pleasure,that comes the most natural?' "
I smiled hearing this.In my mind, there came the old list I had as a child.
Although it seemed ridiculous at the time,I started working at that list and today I can say, in a way, I did become all the things I wanted to become: although not professionally, but I do dance and I love it. I watch dance related events, shows, movies and I am fascinated by dance and dancers, looking at them is surreal.Ice skating is one of my favourite thing in the world to do.I teach English to kids.I am obsessed with nutrition and natural food and remedies. As a profession, I afford the luxury to do what I want, when I want and not care about the profit( I guess I am not a business woman yet).I am a photographer, drawer/ illustrator, I make handmade accesories and I am loving it!
So, this is why I chose the balerina name.I didn't get to do what I love most when I wanted to. Who knows what that would have ended up?
I had to do things I didn't want to, I had to become a care taker at a young age, feeling the pressure of being the one to help my family .
While in high school, and since I have always been concerned about my looks, I was making clothes from my mother's old wardrobe.And my father's for that matter.Although we barely had food on the table, I later found out, that my colleagues thought I was part of a rich, eccentric family becasue of the way I dressed!
While I was working my socks off in Scotland, dreaming about improving my family's condition, people my age were doing what they wanted to whether it was having fun, starting a family, starting a career.All this time, all I wanted was to do, for a change, what I like, what I choose.Well, I finally am !
What others see as grace, easiness, fragility is in fact stubborn will, endured pain, strength and the happiness to do what you do.This is why Balerina.